Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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