nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
