you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
