We're like a lot better than the average bears
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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