**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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