is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
