I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
