We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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