i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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