I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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