My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
