3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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