I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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