Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
