So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
