Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
