I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
