I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
