Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
