She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
