I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
