it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
