Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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