I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
