i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
