Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
