does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
