Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
