Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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