Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
