Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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