How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
