Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
