the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
