Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
