It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can text with my tongue
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
