OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
