Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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