This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
