fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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