I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
