I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
