apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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