I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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