So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
