i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
