god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
