my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The adults are the big ones right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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