fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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