Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
