you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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