it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
