you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
