Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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