dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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