how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I would ride that face into the sunset
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
