So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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