The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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