you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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