This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
