I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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