If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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