She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I deserve this hangover.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
