She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
