I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
