I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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