He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
