If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
