Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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