She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
