ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
