:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just puked most of my soul out..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
