idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
