dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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